VD

Extreme close up food porn.

So, I totally don't do the VD thing, and I have a wicked cake-fail that I thought would have made a fabulous post for today, but it's probably going to end up nearly as long as Taneasha's fucking awesome birthday cake post, and I've got a house guest and a mid-term tomorrow.

I've also got amaretti cookies that are amazing on their own, but a fabulous ingredient to use in other things. If you don't have time to make a batch of your own, check in your grocery store for them. Most of the larger chains will have them (probably either on the top or bottom shelf), but if not, an Italian deli or grocery will definitely have them.

Chocolate Terrine

What you need:

• 1 tin sweetened condensed milk
• 1/2 c butter
• 6 oz semisweet or bittersweet chocolate (chips work)
• 1/2 tsp cinnamon
• 3/4 c dried cherries
• 3/4 chopped dried apricots
• 1-1/2 c chopped or crumbled amaretti cookies

What you gotta do:

Half fill a medium pot of water and put it on the stove to boil. Once it's boiled, turn the heat down to medium low, and cover the pot with a large heatproof bowl. Double boilers used to be quite common and every cookware set came with one, but they seem to have fallen out of fashion. Meh, the bowl on the pot works just fine. Just make sure it's glass or metal, and that you have a heating pad and / or oven mitt handy.

In the large bowl, combine the sweetened condensed milk, butter, chocolate, and cinnamon.

Stir gently as it all melts together.

Once it's nice and smooth, you can take it off the heat.

Stir in the fruit and cookies.

You can also add chopped almonds here if you want. They'd be tasty. So would hazelnuts, I think. Walnuts are not acceptable. Absolutely not. They don't have the smooth interior that almonds and hazelnuts do, and they don't have the same sweetness either. Walnuts are a savoury nut in my kitchen and go in things like salads and sauces.

The description "terrine" is not usually applied to dessert type foods, but really there's no other way to describe this dish based on what we're about to do next.

Line a loaf pan with foil, and then with plastic wrap. Yes, you need both. Yes, I have tried with only one and it doesn't work. While I will admit to pantsing in the kitchen on a regular basis and then subjecting you to the outcome, this isn't one of those times, I've made this dish on many occasions and believe it or not I actually know what I'm doing.

For a change.

Pour the chocolate-cookie-fruit(-nut) mixture into your double lined pan. Looks lovely doesn't it. Perfect for VD.

Tap the pan on the counter a few times to get any air bubbles out then smooth the top with a spatula.

Fold over the plastic wrap so that the chocolatey goodness is sealed in, then cover the top of the pan with foil.

Let this chill in the fridge for a few hours. I'm sure you can find something to do while it sets; I mean, this is the socially constructed day where once a year we have no choice but to show our romantic partners some kind of attention that should include large expenditures of money, right?

Or you could just get naked and fuck. Like every other day. Whatever.

After a few hours you can unmold the tasty loaf. It should be good to go after about 3, but 6 is ideal.

If you didn't make reservations 3 months ago for dinner at some expensive restaurant that serves food you could probably just make yourself anyway, and are now panicking to make some food, this dessert is something you should make in the morning. Or yesterday. I'm so helpful, I know.

As you try to unwrap it, if the chocolate is sticking to the plastic and you're pulling the chocolate pate out of it's lovely prismic shape, it's too soon. Re-wrap and give it another hour.

There will be a bit of sticking, but you shouldn't be pulling off chunks of chocolate with the plastic.

Since this is a lovely loaf shape, cut it with a sharp knife into slices.

Perfect dessert. Rich, smooth chocolate with chewey friut and crispy cookies. It is rich though, and a small slice is all you need. But you'll probably want more. It's okay, you can burn off the calories by fucking.

What's your favourite way to burn calories?

Carroty Carrot Muffins

One of these days I'll figure out wake up early enough in the morning that I can actually sit down and eat a piece of toast for breakfast. I've never been much of a breakfast person though. This is not to say tht I don't like breakfast foods, or don't eat breakfast. It's just that I need to be up and about for a while before I eat something.

Sleep is a precious commodity in my world. I will take sleep over most other early morning activities. That's why I've got my morning routine down to a 17 minute science. Really sucks on days when the the overnight low was below -20 (i.e. every night from now until April) because I have to get up four minutes earlier to run out in my pajamas to start the car before I start getting ready. And there are still mornings when I'm ready to go before the car is. 2 more years of school. 2 more years. 2 more. 2 ...

Carroty Carrot Muffins

What You Need:

• 1 1/2 cups flour
• 1/2 cup ground flax seed

• OR 2 cups flour

• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1 tbsp cinnamon
• 1/4 tsp nutmeg
• 1/8 tsp allspice
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 2 eggs
• 1/2 c carrot juice (or orange juice or milk)
• 1/2 c vegetable oil (I used peanut)
• 1/2 c unsweetened applesauce
• 1/2 c honey
• 1 1/2 c grated carrots (at least)

Nope, no sugar at all. And no dairy. These will never be entirley vegan though (even if you did use some kind of egg substitute) because of the honey. Poor little worker bees, working so hard.

What You Gotta Do:

Preheat the oven to 350. (and yes, I really did remember)

In a small bowl, combine the flour, flax seed, baking soda, baking powder, and the salt.

A whisk works well for this.

In a large bowl, dump in everything else except the carrots.

Whisk this all together. The spices really contribute to the colour.

Tip the floury stuff from the small bowl into the wet eggy stuff in the large bowl. Mix this with a whisk. Yes, I know I'm making muffins which only need to be just-mixed. It is possible to merely stir things with a whisk.

What you can't do with a whisk really, though I suppose if you really wanted to you could probably pull it off, is fold. Fold the grated carrots into your just-mixed batter.

The balance of my bag of baby carrots only made for about 2 cups of grated carrots. This recipe can definitely take more than that.

You should end up with enough batter to generously fill 12 muffin cups. (I think I may try this as a snack cake next time. The texture is soft and cake like.)

Bake them for about 20 minutes at 350. Then let them cool a bit before you try taking them out of the pan. If you use the paper cups, you can get them out right away, but I prefer my muffins without cups.

These are fabulous with a bit of cream cheese on them.

This recipe is decidedly not sweet, but it's also not savoury. You could add chocolate chips, dried fruit (I'm thinking chopped apricots would be very tasty in them), or even nuts (weirdo).

You could probably even top them with cream cheese icing and pass them off as a carrot cake. Sneaky.

How do you hide vgetables?